A Day in the Life of a Person with Social Anxiety

Freshman, 19

This is a snapshot of thoughts that I have on a normal day regarding things that should be simple and normal. Beginning from the time I wake up to the time I go to sleep, I am constantly worrying about what other people think of me and what social interactions I will have to face to make it through the day.

"At 9:00am the alarm goes off. I wake up quickly and try to shut it off as fast as I can because my roommate is still asleep and I will feel terrible if I wake her up. Then I get out of bed and hurry to gather my backpack and clothes from my room so I can get out of there ASAP and leave her in peace. I can’t take too long getting ready because I don’t want to hog the bathroom in case she does wake up and need to use it, so I rush to brush my teeth and change my clothes. Finally I can tip toe out the door and shut it very quietly behind me to find some peace of my own in the hallway.

At 9:30am I wait for the elevator to stop on my floor. I always try to have headphones in with music playing so that I won’t feel uncomfortable in the silence (or even worse, have to participate in elevator chatter) if other people happen to get on with me. Once I get to the lobby and head out the doors to class, I start to feel very vulnerable. There are so many people around: Are they judging me? Does my hair look weird? I didn’t put makeup on today, I bet that’s why everyone is looking at me. Am I walking funny? They think I’m weird, I know it. I’ll just try to keep my head down and listen to my music until I get to class.

At 10:00am I get to class. Where am I going to sit today? If I go towards the middle, I’m going to have to walk by a bunch of people that are already sitting which will cause them to have to move and then I will feel like I’m being annoying. But if I sit on the end, then it’s possible that nobody will sit next to me and then people will think I’m weird for sitting by myself. I finally decide on a seat and then I sit through the class praying that there won’t be a random partner activity or group project because I don’t know anybody.

At 11:00am it is time to get something for lunch. I get food to-go every day so that I can go eat it back at my dorm. I would rather do this than go to the dining hall anyways because at least this way, I do not have to worry about finding people to eat with.

At 4:00 I have to meet with a group to work on a project. I don’t want to leave too early to meet them because I don’t want to look awkward waiting for them, but I also don’t want to leave too late and have them waiting on me. When I get there, I don’t say much, but when I do give my input I immediately wonder if they liked my idea or if I sounded stupid. Leaving the meeting I feel a small sense of accomplishment having gotten through my extra social interaction for the day.

At 7:00 I decide to order dinner. I look for places that let me order online because I hate talking on the phone. After it gets delivered, I eat it while watching Netflix In my room by myself and afterwards I work on my homework until I get tired and go to sleep.”

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This is just a snapshot of the different thoughts that I have on a normal day regarding things that should be simple and normal. What a lot of people don’t understand is that having social anxiety is different than the anxiety that everyone feels at different points in their life. Sure, everyone gets nervous in certain social situations or feels awkward sometimes, so I think it is hard for people to understand what I am going through and I am often faced with people saying “why don’t you just speak up more,” or “stop being so awkward.” It is also difficult for people to understand my situation because I do have a small group of friends that I love hanging out with, but I have known most of them since grade school and my anxiety didn’t get bad until high school. Social anxiety also does not mean that I don’t like people or that I don’t want to make new friends, it just makes it harder to relate in social situations because my anxiety makes me overthink and worry about what people are thinking of me. The anxiety that I experience also adds some unnecessary stress to the already stressful life of a college honors student and sometimes keeps me from trying for leadership positions and joining clubs.