Not That Girl

Sophomore, Information Systems Major

I accepted a kick ass job in July 2015, and was pretty engaged with that until the end of September. Once my big project was over, I unknowingly began slipping into a lull.

I ignored work

I was disengaged in class

I stayed up late, soberly hanging out a my bar

I regularly skipped morning classes

I was not my normal on-top-of-everything self.

Eventually, I found myself in a debate in every morning

to get out of bed

to go to classes

to go to student group meetings

to go to work.

Things I normally love to be involved in.

Being my stubborn self, I kept it all internal because I don’t like asking for help, I had never been good at it. This went on for a little over a month.

“What have you been up to? I haven’t seen you around lately! Everything okay?”

gained responses like

“I’m busy” “A lot going on!” “I’m good” “Miss you, too”

Then, in early November, my boyfriend called me out. Our long distance relationship calls for weekly video chats, but this one was different.

“Kaitlyn, I’ve been asking you for weeks how you feel about this situation but you keep blowing me off. You complain about getting poor grades but I know you go to the bar most nights, stay up until 2 or 3 am, sleep over at your friend’s, and then sleep in all morning. You seem so distant and out of touch with everything. This is not the Kaitlyn I knew and fell in love with, are you okay? Are you feeling anything? Love, sadness, remorse, guilt, inspiration, motivation, energy?”

Everything I had been ignoring, placing in this big box I was hiding behind me, had been found. He found the box. The one that had all my responsibilities and engagements buried in it, the one that was tied to me, weighing me down every day – morning, noon, and night. He found it and dumped it out in front of me.

No words – only tears. I broke down and cried, something I needed to do weeks earlier.

That night, I realized I needed help. Now remember, I hate asking for help and I am not good at it. But the words came out: “I need to get help”.

I knew I couldn’t do it alone. Getting back on top of my life, and everything in it, was going to take a mountain of work – that I was currently buried under – that I could not climb alone.

The next morning, I took one of the boldest steps of my life and called UC’s Counseling and Psychological Services. I was incredibly nervous; I never thought I would be ‘that girl’ that was ‘that bad’ and needed help. But at this point, I knew it was the best thing for me. I went to counseling regularly for several months, and am now preparing for my last session. I have developed coping methods and stress-handling skills to help me maintain positive mental health levels.