Unhealthy Expectations for Student Success: My Story
Freshman, 19.
The most unsettling thing about this whole ordeal was that nobody could notice on the outside. All people saw was an easygoing and social young man who somehow was managing to maintain a strong academic, social, and extra-curricular profile. Nobody could see the hurt that was happening within. And that is the issue with mental health. We as a society brush it aside as something that only “weak” people complain about and as something that can be easily resolved.
11 AP’s. 10 extra-curricular activities. 1 me. Throughout high school, I overloaded myself. I had a vision to get into a great college program to facilitate my eventual entry into medical school and thought that taking the most number of AP classes possible, while maintaining the most number of leadership positions possible, and at the same time of playing competitive violin and tennis was the best way to achieve my goals. Sleep was the first thing that I lost. Junior year I convinced myself it was healthy to run on four hours of sleep and that stress simply served as a catalyst to do better. Little did I know, I was heavily deteriorating my health and well-being. My lack of sleep coupled with extensive stress caused me to often be late to class and often conversations with teachers about my tardiness.
Depression was the next logical step in this detrimental path. Constantly striving to not only be my best but be the best in a multitude of activities and schoolwork, I constantly failed. The unrealistic goals set for myself were further expanded as I compared myself to peers and experienced extensive support in all of my endeavors by friends and family. Although they thought they were pushing me to success, they were actually aiding in the degradation of my mental state. These negative thoughts of failure were the first to come to mind especially during late nights that usually turned into mornings, when I was alone, sleep-deprived and exhausted from a long day of activities. In hindsight, I see that I did not view myself as positively as I should have and took on a heavy load of undue stress to make up for these feelings.
After a brutal junior year in high school, my senior year helped to pull me out of the hole I had dug for myself. I began cutting back on my commitments to focus more on schoolwork. I made it a point to prioritize friendships and limit time in solitude. Studying in groups, getting meals with friends, and talking with my parents more all aided to achieve this goal. I limited my leadership involvement to a select few clubs and focused on making meaningful connections with as many people as possible with the time I had left in high school. Simply put, I began to put myself and my passions first, instead of striving to create an unrealistic version of myself.
The most unsettling thing about this whole ordeal, however, was that nobody could notice on the outside. All people saw was an easygoing and social young man who somehow was managing to maintain a strong academic, social, and extra-curricular profile. Nobody could see the hurt that was happening within. And that is the issue with mental health. We as a society brush it aside as something that only “weak” people complain about and as something that can be easily resolved. That is simply not the case, however, especially in this generation of over-achievers. From my ordeal, I recognize the importance of mental health and have made important changes for myself in college to better manage my time and prioritize what is most important to me. Ultimately, society needs to recognize that mental health is not a matter of weak or strong. Instead, like any other serious disease, it is a matter of life or death.